Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.
Simone Weil
I've been part of a study group for several weeks now where we are sharing our stories with each other. The rules are to sit, listen, and let each other share what we want to or need to. No judgments, no fixing, no advice, no interrupting. Then we thank each other for sharing the hard parts of our lives.
I wish I could transfer the way I pay attention in this group, to how I listen to my own family and other friends. It seems hard to simply listen. More often than not, I'm partly listening (it might LOOK like I am fully listening) and partly formulating my response to what I'm hearing. But what would it be like to really listen and then pause before I replied? What would it be like to make it my goal to value the other's words and need to be heard more than valuing my need to be heard, to have my opinions validated, advice accepted, and my needs met?
I messed up again today. I caught myself and did my best to listen and validate.
"It must be really hard", I said.
"Yes", she replied, "very hard".
I may not have agreed with how she was handling this difficult situation, but if she wasn't asking for advice, it was better for me to simply listen. To be generous by saying nothing.
Not so simple. But so important.
