All I Have

We are pulled over in the DQ parking lot, savoring a little evening treat, a DQ  sundae with delicious red cherry sauce dripping over the white swirled ice cream, a spur of the moment decision on our way home after a church meeting.

 I can't help but notice a  man with a scruffy beard sitting cross legged on the ground, a dilapidated canvas backpack next to him. No shirt, and a cardboard sign propped up  with the words  scrawled  in thick capital letters: HOMELESS. He's focused on juggling three small balls. 

I look at my ice cream, an indulgence, something purchased without a second thought. I look at him. I can't help it, he's right there. Our car is facing him across the lot, not really that far away. 

Do I look away and pretend he's not there? This I have done more often than not. 

"I'm going to see if I have any cash." I say to my husband as I set down my treat and shuffle through my purse to access my wallet. Yes, I have some. Just then I notice a young woman walking by who holds out her hand to the young man. He smiles at her as he receives her gift. 

I ask Dave to pull up to the space near where the  man (in his 20's? 30's? I don't really know)  sits. I exit the car and walk up to him and bend down. I ask him his name. Daniel. He looks so young. And so old.

 I hold out my hand and offer him the cash. He responds with a hearty 'Thank you!" 

Suddenly the words come out of my mouth. "May I pray for you?" 

"Oh, yes! Please do!" he says. 

My prayer is short and fumbly. I say Amen.

 "Christians are the kindest people", he says to me. "Do you have a Bible? I used to carry one in here". He points to a small pouch on the side of his backpack. 

I so wish I had one to give him, but I tell him I don't. I used to have a Gideon NT I which I kept in the car, but I took it out a while back. 

"God bless you", I say as I head back into the car. 

Then I see it in a cubby below the dashboard. An old paperback book Kept for the Master's Use which I had recently picked up on a giveaway table and had begun reading in snippets. It's based on the hymn Take My Life and Let it Be, which I loved as a young person. It's the hymn that was sung at our wedding over 40 years ago. 

The book is all I have to give. Will it be relevant? Will he understand it? Only God knows. 

I quickly return to him, show him the book, and say "This is all I have, but you are welcome to it".  

"What is it about?" he asks, as he looks at the cover. 

I explain it briefly and I tell him I hope it encourages him. "You are loved" I say. 

He smiles and thanks me. I smile back.

I head back to the car. 

I pick up my sundae and dip in for another bite, as we head home. 

Speaking of love...

 I've wanted to become a better listener for quite a while. Sometimes I feel that I am moving in that direction, but often I feel that I've blown it. Especially after a heated discussion with my husband, where all I really wanted was to win the argument and have him concede and admit I'm right. How unrealistic and unhelpful is that? Especially since I've heard several times that, in marriage, it's either WIN-WIN or LOSE-LOSE when it comes to working through issues together. There is no WIN-LOSE in a loving relationship. 

Recently I read several articles on ways to become a better listener. Some were focused at home, parent to child, but I realized, in fact, that these points related to the relationship between spouses as well. Most of them are not profound, but I do believe we often miss them in our conversations. I'm still aspiring to make these habits! 

Stop. (put down your phone, turn off the TV, put down the book, stop cooking, etc.)  Look. Listen. Look your partner in the eye when they are talking to you. I've read that the best way to work through a disagreement is to sit facing each other, knees touching and holding hands. Yikes! That's pretty tough when you're seething with anger at a perceived injustice. I'm sure, though, that if both parties were putting effort into reconciliation, it would work. 

Zip the lip. Listen, listen, listen. Speaking too soon cuts off the communication. 

Tell back what you heard your partner say, without judgment. This tells that you are really listening and not rehearsing a feisty comeback. 

Ask open-ended questions, ones that don't require a YES or NO as an answer. No judgments. Don't try to direct their thinking. 

When it's your turn to respond, speak from your own experience. Speak in "I" sentences, not "You" ones. Reiterate that you are a team, it's not 'me against you', it's US against the specific problem that has come up. 

And, of course, there are many other ways to practice being a better listener? Do you have any tried and true? 

Photo by Vincent van Zalinge on Unsplash

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”  David Augsburger

 

Peace on Earth

Glory to God in the Highest, and on earth peace, goodwill towards all people! 

The angels concluded their message, proclaiming to an ordinary band of lowly shepherds, certainly no pillars in their community. They were just simple people doing the work necessary to keep their families fed. After seeing the Christ child, as the angels had said, they excitedly spread the word they had been told. "And all those who heard it marveled at those things the shepherds shared." Luke 2:18 

God uses the most unlikely people to bring the message of peace to the world. 

I feel unequipped for the task of bringing peace to the world, failing many times. Often I'm tempted to focus on my  own wants and needs. Often I lack confidence. Sometimes the pain I see in this world is simply too much, and I want to hide. Do you feel the same?  How, then, do we help to usher in peace and goodwill? 

Peace on earth, I must remind myself, is not conditional upon what is or isn't happening 'out there'  but it is based on a Person. Jesus brings peace to our world, in the middle of the mess. He brings it by changing our hearts one bit at a time. And then we must bravely join in the work of making change. One small step at a time, often beginning with the person in front of us.  

I recently had a conversation with two of my coworkers. For some reason, we had a really deep, meaningful conversation about life, and I, praying that God would give me the words to say that would matter, shared something I had learned in my life. "When you said that, I had goosebumps all over! I don't know why! That really hit me!", one of them responded.  I was as surprised as her, but I believe it was the Spirit of God touching her the way only He can. He is the one who changes lives. I keep praying for her, one who has been so beaten down by life.  

The spirit of Christmas gives us a voice to cry "Good will to men, and Peace on earth", making it so much more than just a sweet sentiment and a shallow hope. 

Good will, or Peace on Earth, this is an act of rebellion, a full forced movement against the effects of the fall. It is not blind faith nor is it childish rhetoric. It is holy wisdom and it is as out of place as a host of angels hovering over a band of shepherds.

 (from Peace is Here: Christmas Reflections, by Jars of Clay)

May we all remember whose we are this Christmas, and respond to the little (and big) nudges the Spirit gives us, joining in the movement of bringing the peace of Jesus to our world. 

Photo by Tom Hill on Unsplash

Grand-love

 I was sitting with my three year old grandson at the table, side by side.  Little Clark was quietly playing with the playdough and matchbox trucks he loves, moving 'rocks' and 'logs' from one spot to another. I was working on a little knitting project and fiddling with my phone, trying to find the perfect kids Christmas playlist. 

"Oma, play with me", he said quietly, looking up at me with his beautiful blue eyes. I stopped and looked at him.  He gave me a heart-melting smile and turned, wrapping his little arms around me. 

"Oma, play with me," he repeated, maintaining eye contact, his little chin pointing up.

"Of course, sweetie", I replied, putting down my knitting, smiling at him. We chatted, two workers loading up trucks with rocks. 

 

Thanks for the reminder, dear little one. 

Joys and Sorrows

I haven't been in the mood for writing much lately. Most of my thoughts tend to be towards the sorrows of this world right now. I have my opinions about what's happening and why. I'm not sure what organizations or people to trust with giving accurate information anymore. What I do know is that we all are called to do what we can to make this world a better place. We are all called to love each other. We are all different, in our personalities, strengths, passions, so our contributions won't all look the same. But, we can all do something. 

Despite the heaviness that lingers lately, there is still beauty in the world, and it's okay, even GOOD to enjoy it during this time. Maybe, especially during this time. After all, isn't the desire for peace and beauty the reason WHY we protest, help, pray, contribute?

As earthly human beings, we have to take account of an earthly future. For the sake of this future we must accept tasks, responsibilities, and joys and sorrows. We need not despise happiness simply because there is so much unhappiness. We should not arrogantly push away the kind hand of God because God's hand is otherwise so hard. I think it is more important to remind one another of this in these days than of many other things..."   

 (Dietrich Bonhoeffer, pastor in Germany during WW2)

From the book: Bonhoeffer:Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas

Five Good Things

There is much today to be to be saddened about, to be frustrated about, to be anxious about, and yes, even to fear. I could probably write a long post about all of those things. But... I'm not going to, at least not today!

Instead, I'm going to think of five good things that have come out of social distancing and the other circumstances that have arisen out of the CoVid19 pandemic that we are all now facing.

1. I've become more appreciative of store employees. For some of them, their job description has changed and they are managing line ups of potentially anxious people in mostly a friendly manner. I've stayed away from stores (many have closed now)  more than usual lately, so heading to Costco this morning suddenly made this CoVid19 threat feel a whole lot more real.

We waited 40 min to enter the store. Implemented: Social distancing, cart handle wiping,
and a minimal number of shoppers allowed in at one time 

2. I'm learning new skills online, like video editing. Mind you, I'm talking about simply cutting a video up into smaller files so they will send! But maybe I'll learn how to add music too!

3. I've sent my  almost 3 yo grandson a Storytime with Oma episode. I talked to him, and read a book aloud, showing him the pictures. I realize there are MANY book reading sites online, but when OMA does it, it becomes more special. Apparently, he enjoyed it! I might bring my puppets out for the next episode ;)

Back a week or so when we could still visit regularly!

4. I've connected with a few neighbours that, honestly, I hardly know except to chat with over the back fence each gardening season (starts in May usually) or to buy honey or eggs from. This month I've had a simple chat on the phone to check in on a widow in my neighbourhood, and dropped off some fresh baked goods. I know it's important and necessary and simply the right thing to do. We all need to know someone out there is watching out for us, especially if we're elderly and housebound. I've have to push myself to do this, because I generally don't tend to go looking for strangers to visit with. But it's been good. At this time, we really can't visit in person, except to stand outside the door a safe distance away.

5. I'm showing my face a little more online. I usually like to stay quite anonymous or at least I don't put my face out there too much. But now I'm using FB Messenger Video, FaceTime, and Marco Polo more often. I love to text, but at this time in history, it just makes sense to see the faces of the people I'm communicating with. And I think that's a good thing for now! Makes us all feel a sense of community a bit more, don't you think?

What good things have you noticed in this unique time we are living through right now?