when anxious thoughts take up space

 a racing heart. shallow breathing. too many thoughts. thoughts spiraling into negativity. losing hope. 

Can you relate at times? 

Here's a Prayer for the Anxious of Heart.May it speak peace to your heart today. 

O Lord, 

you who tell us to be anxious for nothing,

I confess that I am anxious for many things this day,

especially for the things that I fear will hurt or disappoint me 

beyond anything I could bear;

speak your word of peace in my mind, I pray,

of safety to my heart,

and of comfort to my body, 

so that I may know the truth, even now, 

that I am in the care of Another;

I pray this in the name of the One

who daily bears my burdens. 

Amen. 

from Prayers for the Pilgrimage: a book of collects for all of life

by W. David O. Taylor

Praying Proverbs

May those who lead our country, lead with humility

For it leads to wisdom

May honesty direct them, and guide them in their decisions

May their godliness rescue from trouble

May all the people desire good for all

May the godly succeed

 for then the whole city celebrates!

May the upright prevail

 for they are good for a city and will make it prosper. 

May our leaders be trustworthy, keeping confidences, having wise advisors

May our leaders gain respect because of their trustworthiness and kindness

May our leaders bring life to our cities, because of their integrity

Because of the godly, our children will go free! 

May our leaders be generous, giving freely

For if they refresh others, they themselves will be refreshed  

May they trust in God and goodness, and not in wealth

May their good deeds become a tree of life, flourishing like leaves in spring. 

Photo by Dmytro Tolokonov on Unsplash

Does it feel to you that things are really going crazy in our world right now?  How far it seems the state of our country is from these words, based on Proverbs 11. But that just reminds us how important it is to pray and to always remember who holds this world in His hands.

I lift my eyes to the hills, from where my help comes from. My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2

Wise Words

I usually have a few books on the go. There's usually one fiction for bedtime reading, and a few nonfiction, which include psychology, personal growth and faith-based encouragement. I have dreams of spending long afternoons reading and note taking, but that doesn't usually happen. I usually end up reading in snatches and folding the bottom corner of the pages to indicate a passage that's worth rereading and then maybe later copying it down in my quotes journal.  

Some books take me months, maybe years to finish. One I've been slowly reading is Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus. McManus is a filmmaker, author, artist, and pastor of the Mosaic Church in Los Angeles. Basically, this book is about what it means to be human and explores our longings, desires, needs, and cravings. It explores our soul. 

With books like these,  I often ponder how the content relates to the times we are living in. The following passages are so relevant to what's happening in our country and the world. 

The future doesn't happen by accident; it happens through engagement. 

We were created to strive for progress and to pursue it with passion. It is God who designed us this way. He made us creative, and he makes us responsible. Somehow there are many of us who have missed this point. We have allowed human history to be shaped by those who are distant from God and hostile toward people. 

Evil never looks for permission. 

Tyrants never consider the appropriateness of their actions. One of the great tragedies of human history is that while those who are motivated by greed and power and violence have forged the future of their liking, too many of those who long for a better world have sat passively by, watching and wishing the world could be different. 

....I think quite often it has been a misunderstanding about God. We think it's God's job to fix everything. Sincere people have deferred their responsibiltiy while waiting on God to do something, but it has created a spirituality that lacks initiative and engagement. This goes against the nature of the human spirit, and it goes against the way God has created us. We might actually conclude God is apathetic and indifferent just because we are. God created us to engage, solve problems, meet needs, do something with our lives. He made us to get involved and expects us to act. .....Human compassion reflects God and moves us towards God. 

... We have to believe in tomorrow to function well today. It will never be enough for us simply to exist, and if all we have is now, our souls will starve from lack of nourishment. Without a future, there is no hope, and hope is essential for our souls to thrive. Hope exists only in the future, and if the future does not exist, there is no hope. ...Without hope, there is only despair. ... Everyone of us is on a search for destiny.                                                       ( Soul Cravings, excerpts from Entry 6, 7, 8) 

I recently listened to an interview with Jordan Peterson, a Canadian psychology professor emeritus at the U of Tornonto, a clinical psychologist, author, and podcaster on cultural and political issues.  He was asked what one thing he would say to young students entering university. His reply was very emotional. He encouraged them to hold onto their passion and not to let anyone steal it from them, because a university education will do that. It will paint a bleak picture of the future and take away hope. 

Personally, I feel that the move towards globalism and loss of personal autonomy and control will lead to a general lack of hope and a loss of passion (among other things!) This is not good for the future of humanity. Thankfully, there is hope for better days! 

Hope is vital. I'm so thankful that my hope is not in politics! 

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful" (Hebrews 10:23)

Just a few things I've been pondering lately. Maybe you have some thoughts on this as well! 

Blue Skies Ahead

I just noticed this blog post I had  written in early August, saved in my drafts. I've been away from home for several weeks, and just noticed it again.  Now it's nearing the end of August and this post is a reminder to me that YES, things can change and YES,  there really IS hope for better days ahead. We may have to wait longer than we wish and we won't know how the 'in between' will look. But wow, blue skies are so amazing, aren't they? This pic was taken today. 

August 3/21

The skies in our part of the province are smoky, especially in our city. There's beautiful blue expanse way up high above this blanket of grey, ashy cloud. But from down here, we see and smell smoke. Too often, we have taken fresh, clean air for granted. One day there was blue sky, and then there wasn't. We are walking through a haze and in a daze. There are risks to living in this fog, and we must come to terms with that, protecting ourselves and others as much as possible from its harm. The world we want to enjoy and share seems to be evading us. And we must accept it until relief comes --  healing rain falls, the fires are extinguished, and the cooler weather returns. 

Truth, like those magnificent, clear skies, is often hidden.  Reality is covered up.  Truth is always there,  but we have to strain to see it. Sometimes the blanket of untruth covers the skies, then clears for a time, and we experience clarity, what's really there. The blue is then SO MUCH bluer than we remember! We drink in the beauty of it. All who open their eyes can see it. We want everyone to experience it.  It's comforting to know it's always there, even when hidden by dark clouds.

To breathe deeply and fully. To feel that all is well once again. That is what my heart wants. 

 Who can we really trust? Who is telling the truth? Can we know?  

The mistrust and misleading going on  is a sad and unsettling commentary on our times. 

Some days are harder to feel hopeful than others. 

But, there IS always hope, thankfully.  We will know the truth, and it will set us free. 

Today the skies are a little less smoky than in the past week. Yay! 

Five Minute Friday:: Fix

 “I just want this thing fixed!”

How often have you heard this statement? No matter if it’s a car problem, a relationship issue, a chronic health condition, or a world gone crazy,  we just want things to work right again so that we can be on our merry way!

What happens when that ‘thing’ doesn’t get fixed in three easy steps? What if it takes a whole lot more work than we had anticipated and maybe the solution is still a mystery? How do we continue to trust and believe that it will be fixed? How do we react when we think of the possibility that it won’t be fixed?

 I struggle with this one since I do have a chronic health issue for which there is no simple solution. It’s taking a whole lot of personal research time, a good amount of medical and naturopathic visits, money spent on supplements and prescriptions, and  much  battling fear and disappointment. Sometimes it seems there will be no fix after all is said and done. Yet, I still carry on, sometimes actively pursuing health, sometimes resting in the good times, and sometimes questioning again when my symptoms flare.

 How do we live when the healing is not in the now, but in the not yet? I fix my eyes on Jesus, the one who gives me faith to believe. I must come back to the truth that God loves me, no matter what things may look like. And as I continue to do what I can, I come back to trusting the One who knows me best and loves me most - He is my healer.  He has promised to be with me always and forever. I am never alone in my fear and dread. I continue to be grateful for the good times. 

I am looking forward to the time when all will be well! Because one day it will be. 

This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday link-up. Feel free to join in!

Photo by Julie Molliver on Unsplash

Joys and Sorrows

I haven't been in the mood for writing much lately. Most of my thoughts tend to be towards the sorrows of this world right now. I have my opinions about what's happening and why. I'm not sure what organizations or people to trust with giving accurate information anymore. What I do know is that we all are called to do what we can to make this world a better place. We are all called to love each other. We are all different, in our personalities, strengths, passions, so our contributions won't all look the same. But, we can all do something. 

Despite the heaviness that lingers lately, there is still beauty in the world, and it's okay, even GOOD to enjoy it during this time. Maybe, especially during this time. After all, isn't the desire for peace and beauty the reason WHY we protest, help, pray, contribute?

As earthly human beings, we have to take account of an earthly future. For the sake of this future we must accept tasks, responsibilities, and joys and sorrows. We need not despise happiness simply because there is so much unhappiness. We should not arrogantly push away the kind hand of God because God's hand is otherwise so hard. I think it is more important to remind one another of this in these days than of many other things..."   

 (Dietrich Bonhoeffer, pastor in Germany during WW2)

From the book: Bonhoeffer:Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas

Hope of all the Earth

1. Come, Thou long-expected Jesus,
   Born to set Thy people free;
   From our fears and sins release us,
   Let us find our rest in Thee.
   Israel’s Strength and Consolation,
   Hope of all the earth Thou art;
   Dear Desire of every nation,
   Joy of every longing heart.
2. Born Thy people to deliver,
   Born a child and yet a King,
   Born to reign in us forever,
   Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
   By Thine own eternal Spirit
   Rule in all our hearts alone;
   By Thine all sufficient merit,
   Raise us to Thy glorious throne.
3. Charles Wesley

~Hope~

Day 7 Hope

Hope is one of my all time favorite words. 

My hope isn’t the type of hope that crosses its fingers and wishes for the best outcome of some situation. No, my hope is in God. If I believe God, then I must trust him. Not always an easy thing to do. When difficult situations arise, my first response is fear, and if circumstances persist, I move into worry and despondency. When will this ever end? I ask myself. Will things get better? It’s taking too long, I complain. 

But God, in His gentle way, reminds me that my hope is in Him. Do I trust enough that He will do what he says he will do? 

Years ago, I participated in a Beth Moore study called Believing God, at our church. At the end of the study, we were all given a little magnetic card with some powerful words written on them. I have kept this card (it’s at least 10 years old!) on my fridge and every so often I reread it. It reminds me that hope is not a fragile one because of the One I put my hope in.

I’ve  joined the 31 Days of Five Minute Freewrites. Read more about it here.

Quick Change

Just over a week ago, my girlfriend and I headed out for a morning hike around a lake about 20 minutes drive from our city. We kept taking photos because how could we not?

Autumn colors decorated our neighborhoods, too. 

Then, it was as if we skipped from October straight to December! Temperatures plummeted overnight and the snowfall began! 

And cold temperatures are holding on. We have been immersed in winter much too early.

 And there's no end in sight.  

We knew the snow would be here sooner or later, but not this cold and for this long..
in early November! 

At least it's beautiful in its own way, and
 we have hope of Spring!

1933-2017

I know there are a few of you out there who read my blog regularly (even though often my posts are few and far between).  I have shared about my dad's cancer journey in a few posts over the last few years, so I thought you might want to know about today. 

One week ago I kissed my 83 year old dad goodbye and flew home, after spending a week helping my siblings, mom, and extended family care for Dad in the hospice he had been moved into a couple weeks earlier. It was a gift and a privilege to spend time with him, hugging, praying with him, talking him through spasms of pain, playing his favorite worship music, holding his hand, helping him eat and just being with him. He couldn't really carry a conversation anymore, but he sure brightened up when family was in the room.

Early this morning, my dear beloved dad passed away. My one-of-a-kind gentle, loving father who quietly lived his faith through his deeds, took his last breath here on earth in the early hours of the morning, and is now pain free and whole in every way. He is now supremely happy in heaven with his beloved Jesus, the One he gave his heart to many many years ago.

He had suffered from prostate cancer, then bone cancer, for 6 years, bravely fighting it until his body got too tired. And with some dementia as well, it was time to let go.

We did not know when he would take his last breath. First it was months, then weeks, then last Sunday we were told days. But no one really knew. As my brother said, it was like taking steps down the stairs, with pauses and then another descend, and sometimes, surprisingly, a step or two back up. I was kept posted daily, sometimes hourly.

Whoever has ever witnessed the last months of life of an elderly loved one knows that often dying is a process with so many ups and downs, hopefulness, hopes dashed, seeing progress, seeing pain, frustration, witnessing the decline, the vulnerability, the fear, the uncertainty, the faith, the knowing, the love, the joy, the tears, the hugs, the kisses, the prayers, the thankfulness, and the mixed deep emotions.

And then the phone rings much too early,  and one hears the words, "Dad passed away early this morning".

That's what my day has been like today.

We are one blessed family. Having parents who loved each other and loved their 7 kids fiercely, not perfectly,  but deeply and with such commitment.


I've often said to friends, I don't know what I'll do when my dad passes away. And now this day has come. I'm taking time to cry and laugh, to reminisce, to share my sorrow with my friends and family, and looking forward to flying out again in the next day or so to again spend time with my family and help make the plans for the memorial service.

Although I've said goodbye and shared many hours together recently,  and spoken words of comfort to my dad, I still am sad that I missed his last moments. As much as I tell myself it's okay.

It's been a weird day. I'm feeling at odds with myself, sometimes now knowing how to feel, then being surprised by a wave of sadness overwhelming me. Lots of texting and what'sapping with siblings.  And my own husband and children, too, are grieving in their own way.

I will get through this, but never over it.  Until we meet again, dearest dad.

Love you forever, Dad! 

The End is the Beginning

The end of autumn
The end of the days of shortening daylight
The end of Advent
The end of the year

The beginning of winter solstice
The beginning of growing daylight
The beginning.. celebrating Love come down, God with us
The beginning of a new year

As I get older
I get surer
Man's heart is colder,
His life no purer.
As I grow steadily
More austere
I come less readily
To Christmas each year.
I can't keep taking
Without a thought
Forced merrymaking
And presents bought
In crowds and jostling.
Alas, there's naught
In empty wassailing
Where oblivion's sought
Oh, I'd be waiting
With quiet fasting
Anticipating
A joy more lasting.
And so I rhyme
With no apology
During this time
Of eschatology:
Judgment and warning
Come like thunder.  

 But now is the hour
 When I remember
An infant's power
On a cold December.
Midnight is dawning
And the birth of wonder. 
 

 Madeleine L'Engle, The Irrational Season

The Advent--ure begins

Today is the first day of Advent. I purchased a wonderful book last year called Taste & See - Experiencing the Stories of Advent and Christmas by Jan Johnson. She encourages the use of our God given imaginations to place ourselves in the story as we do our daily readings. This book is written for small groups, but easily adaptable to an individual devotional time.

The daily advent opening prayer:

I will release the cares of the day, and open my eyes to the wonder of God,With an attitude of empathy to people of another time, I will open my heart and mind to God. I will prepare to experience God's Word to methrough the presence of the Holy Spirit. 

 If I recall correctly, my plans to read it daily last year didn't exactly materialize. Thankfully, the author wrote these wise words in the introduction, and I took them to heart:

Do the meditations as you can, not as you can't. 

I figure any advent readings, meditations, and journalling I do this year will be better than not starting at all.

This morning my church was decorated beautifully with lights and greenery and the advent candles were in place. I could feel myself beginning to anticipate Christmas, slowly but surely. I was disappointed that we didn't light the candles or sing even one Christmas-focused song, though. There are so many beautiful renditions of carols these days, both traditional and updated. Hopefully we will be singing those together more than just on one Sunday!

Thankfully, I have a wealth of Christmas CD's (I usually purchase one new album a year), and I will be playing them to my heart's content at home and in the car.  Come Dec 1st,  that is. That's when my celebrations officially begin--the tree goes up (undecorated for a few days) and the Christmas playlist begins. And on the first Saturday of December, we have our annual family brunch, tree decorating (girls), and outdoor light stringing (guys). I'm looking forward to that, although I will really miss two of my children this year who are too far away to make it. It won't be the same without them. *sniff*

Advent helps to bring me back to reflect on what really matters. Even if it's just a few minutes at a time, it is my way of being sure I do 'listen' to hear what God is saying to me this Advent season.

Hope your season of anticipating Christmas is meaningful to you!

When Life is a Roller Coaster

Life might be a highway, but it's definitely not a straight stretch of ribbon! It's sometimes more like a roller coaster moving through the dark--sometimes slow, sometimes fast, sometimes high, sometimes low -  don't you think?

One day you wake up with a big smile on your face. Life. Is. Good.

Little, simple things bring you joy.

You received the news you had been waiting for.

You feel good. You have purpose.

All is well in your little world.

In fact, you feel on top of the world.

God is good! you say.

Then you hear that bit of disappointing or confusing news.

Or you read something tragic and scary in your news feed or in your local newspaper.

Or you wonder if your life is making a difference, because it sure doesn't feel like it.

Or your physical health isn't optimum, and productivity is a thing of the past.

Is God still good? you wonder

Or you just seem to be coming up against the same struggles and nothing ever seems to change, even though you have hope and faith.

And you start thinking about the future. Tomorrow and the hundreds upon hundreds of tomorrows which may follow and what they are going to look like. How uncontrollable the future really is.

You read more about horrible events in the world with no quick solutions in sight.

And you worry.

Is God still good? you ponder

Then you receive a hopeful word.

You have the most encouraging time with friends.

Their prayers are being answered!
Your prayers are being answered!

Changes are happening.

And the sun is shining again.

And all seems well with the world.

Isn't God good! you say

And then your heart breaks for your friend, who just shared something hard with you.

And there are no easy fixes.

It's complicated.

Tragedy strikes.

And  personal dreams shatter.

Is God still good? you ask yourself

And there aren't any wise little sayings or pithy quotes that are going to really make a difference.

All you can do is trust, wait and learn to see in the dark.

And believe,

simply (but often not easily)

believe

that

God is always good.

Oh, Lord, I do believe. Help my unbelief.